


The Last Song

by BleuBengal



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Amish!Jared, Amish!Jensen, Arranged Marriage, Drama, Family Secrets, M/M, Religion, Romance, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-10
Updated: 2014-04-10
Packaged: 2018-01-18 22:08:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1444615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BleuBengal/pseuds/BleuBengal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jarediah Whittmer, a nice Amish boy, is getting married to the bishop's daughter in just a few days time. When family secrets come to light as well as dealing with the tragic death of his lover Jensen, Jared questions his place in the only community and home he's ever known. Will he let the music in his heart fade away? Or will he learn how it feels to fly?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Last Song

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This is a remix of the Hallmark Movie entitled “The Shunning” featuring Amish!Jared and Amish!Jensen. It’s a forbidden love kind of thing. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own the film, “The Shunning” or any of the songs lyrics used. All rights belong to the respective parties involved. No copyright infringement intended. I also know zip about the Amish community other than general knowledge, whatever that means to you. I think this is a more restrictive representation of the community. I hope I don’t offend anyone with this., but I doubt it since I’m 98.7% sure that no Amish people are reading gay fanfiction. But if they are, that’s awesome.

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

“Tell me, that we belong together. Dress it up. With the trappings of love. I’ll be captivated. I’ll hang from your lips. Instead of the gallows. Of heartache, that hang from above.”

Jared let the words fall from his lips, smiling to himself. His fingers strummed lazily against the strings of his guitar. This was the last time he’d get to enjoy this. This peacefulness, this escape.

Before everything changed.

“I’ll be. Your crying shoulder. I’ll be, love suicide. I’ll be better when I’m older. I’ll be. The greatest fan of your life.” Soon, Jared was lost in the song. Singing like he was the only one left on the earth.”

“Jarediah!”, a voice boomed. Jared startled and looked up to see his older brother Josiah staring at him crossly from the barn door. His lips were pulled into a tight line of disapproval. Jared tried unsuccessfully to hide the guitar under the pile of straw.

“Josiah. I uh- I was just.”, he quickly tried to explain; flushing with shame.  
Josiah held up one hand to silence him. “Save it Jared. Be lucky that I caught you this time instead of da.”, he reprimanded.

Jared swallowed thickly and nodded. He reluctantly placed the guitar back in its case and carried it to the trapdoor that he kept it hidden underneath. A sense of longing and regret came over him as he closed the hatch. It was like he was closing it on every dream he ever had. He told himself that it was for the better. That he was starting anew.

He walked over to Joe brushing the straw off of his legs and sticking his long hair underneath his hat.

“I just wanted to hear it one last time.”, he confessed quietly.  
Josiah sighed deeply and patted him on the back reassuringly. “Come along kiddo. We’ve got a lot of work to do. It’s the first day of harvest after all.”

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

_Jared sat under the tree with Jensen listening to him play while he sang the new song Jensen had taught him quietly. He didn’t dare ask Jensen where he learned the songs from. The only songs they were allowed to sing were those in the book. If anyone ever heard them singing English songs they would be in big trouble, but they didn’t care._

_In these stolen moments, they were together and that’s all that mattered. Under this tree, they belonged to one another._

_As he finished the last few notes Jensen smiled at Jared who tried not to get mesmerized in the sea of green and freckles. Setting the guitar down on the grass, Jensen scooted closer until his bent legs enclosed Jared’s outstretched ones. He rested his chin on one knee, inspecting Jared fondly. Jared’s stomach was immediately tied up in knots. Jensen just had that effect on him._

_Jared lifted the hat from his head letting his longer, shaggy hair flow free. He knew he should get his hair cut. It wasn’t proper for a man’s hair to be so long and disorderly, but he liked it that way. He didn't have to hide with Jensen. In public, he made sure to keep his hat on to prevent stares and comments from the others._

_Jensen reached over to push the hair back from Jared’s eyes.“ Jarediah…You are the most beautiful creature on this Earth.” Jared blushed furiously.  
_

_"If I could, I swear I would marry you tomorrow. I want you to be mine. Forever.” His words sent shivers up Jared’s spine though they both knew it was impossible. They could never be together in that way. It went against everything they'd been taught._

_When he leaned in to kiss Jared softly on the lips, Jared didn’t even try to stop him._

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

“Is there anything I can help you with mam?”, Jared asked as his mother and younger sister, Miriam, busied themselves getting dinner ready. She patted his cheek lovingly. Jared was such a sweet boy. He never minded helping his mother in the kitchen or cleaning up around the house. He wasn’t exactly made for farming despite his large stature.

“No, Jarediah. You just sit down with your father. Your sister and I will take care of it. You’re almost a married man. The kitchen is no place for you.”

Jared sat down across from his father as the older man looked at him over his newspaper and pipe. “The big day is less than a week now. Rebekah Anne is a lovely girl isn’t she? It’s an honor to be marrying the bishop’s daughter.”, his father said proudly.

“Yes sir. It is.”, Jared replied automatically, sitting up straighter.  
“We’ll have to have a father and son talk after dinner. About your duties as a man and as a husband.”

Miri snickered behind her hand at his horrified look and received a swat on the behind from her mother’s towel.

Jared couldn’t let it show that he just wanted to curl up in a ball. Everyone kept telling him what an honor it was. How proud he should be. How lovely Rebekah Anne was. And it was true. If he were any other young man in the community, this would be a dream. Rebekah was considered the beauty of the town; clear blue eyes and hair the color of sunlight, though it was mostly hidden. However, Jared wasn’t like the rest of his peers or even his family.

Jared had always been a sort of outcast in their community. He never had many friends; a scrawny little thing. Didn’t roughhouse with the rest of the boys, staying to himself most of the time. As a child you could find him sneaking away from his father and his chores to read books under the trees. Books that their widowed neighbor, Irma, would smuggle him in exchange for picking up her groceries from old man Abram’s store.

As he grew older, he grew larger. And larger. Soon he shot into an albeit clumsy, but handsome young man at 6’4. He was suddenly a catch and many girls wished to be courted by him. Jared didn’t have eyes for them no matter how lovely. Unlike the other boys, Jared was never caught kissing girls behind the stables or any of the other shenanigans his peers found themselves involved in.

The women attributed this to Jared being a true gentlemen of unyielding virtue which made him even more appealing. The men were a different story all together. He could pretend that he didn’t hear the laughter and comments made by the other boys and even some of their fathers. He could pretend that it didn’t bother him, but he knew deep down that they were right. He wasn't "normal".

Bishop Gareth’s youngest daughter, Rebekah Anne, had come of age a year or so after Jared. Her father requested that Jared be the one to take her hand in marriage, finding him the most suitable husband in their age group.

They started courting immediately; Jared escorting Rebekah to various social gatherings and even to and from church on Sundays. She was a very nice girl and would make a good wife, but Jared found he had very little in common with her. He let her do most of the talking on their dates, and talk she did. Jared often found himself drowning out the sound of her voice during their rides and drifting deep into thought. Thoughts about pale green eyes and a face dusted with freckles.

“You should invite them over for supper tomorrow.”, his father remarked. Jared just nodded. This was happening whether he liked it or not.

After his mam and Miri finally sat down to eat and prayers were said, John slid a large manilla envelope towards Jared.

Jared looked at his father questioningly.  
“It's a wedding gift. Same as we gave Josiah and Hannah.”, John replied.  
Jared opened the envelope and was stunned by the crisp bills he found overflowing inside. He thumbed gingerly through the large stack. “What am I supposed to do with all of this money?”

“Build a house for your new wife and those grand babies we're praying for.” Mary nodded in agreement. Joseph grabbed his wife’s hand in his, rubbing a thumb over hers.

“Thank you.”, Jared said standing to give them both hugs. He knew it must have taken them years to save up such a large amount. He couldn’t disappoint them.

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

“Mom, this is the tenth town we’ve visited. We’re not going to find her. No one will even talk to us.” Megan whined. It was hot and boring and not her idea of a vacation; driving down endless dirt roads and looking at trees. Seeing that her mother was steadfastly ignoring her, she put her earphones in her ears and turned the volume of her iPad all the way up.

Sherri sighed and pulled out her phone as it began buzzing. She had over fifteen missed calls from her husband. The guilt of deceiving him ate away at her. He thought they were going to visit her mother. technically, that wasn't a lie per say, but he didn’t know that she was looking for _her_. He would never approve of it. Gerry was not a fan of his mother in law so it was no surprise that he opted out of the trip, spouting excuses about helping Jeff move back from the dorms. Jeff had recently graduated and was now applying to med schools closer to home. She pulled in front of an Amish store.

Sherri climbed out of the car alone leaving Megan to whatever show she was watching on Netflix and walked into the store, the door jingling behind her. Everyone in the store immediately turned to stare at her. It wasn’t often that English people stumbled into their little Amish town.

Sherri steeled herself and walked up to the counter.  
“How may I help you ma’am?”  
She smiled nervously. “I’m looking for an Amish woman named Mary. She’s from this area and her last name starts with a ‘W’. Do you know her?”, she asked hopefully.

The older man’s eyes narrowed at her suspiciously. “Well ma’am. There’s a lot of Mary’s around here. At least nine or ten. Can’t be sure I’d be able to help you.”

“If you do happen to come across anyone who fits the description, can you tell her that Sherri Padalecki is looking for her and that I’ll be staying at the Reddington Inn for the next week?”  
“As I said before ma’am. I can’t help you.”, he said sternly.

Sherri’s eyes dimmed. “Thank you anyway.”  
“Ma’am?”, he called after her. She whirled around to look at him hoping he would give her some sort of clue or that he had changed his mind. “People round here don’t take too kindly to strangers comin and asking questions. Best be on your way and let whatever you’re looking for rest. Put it in the lord’s hands.”, he said. The warning was not lost on Sherri.

She didn't notice an older woman’s eyes carefully following her as she left. Sherri climbed back into the car and broke down in tears, head buried in her arms on the steering wheel. Megan shoved her iPad to the side and placed her head on her mom’s shoulder, hugging her from the side as both of their bodies shook from the force of Sherri's sobs.

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

Jared barely took notice when Kenzie sat down next to him on the grass. He was lost in his thoughts.  
“Brooding again?”, she asked.  
Jared twirled a blade of grass between his thumb. “I never thought I would be getting married.”

“And why not? You’re a good man Jared. From a faithful family. Rebekah Anne is lucky to have you.”  
“She’s not who I want.”, he said sadly.  
Kenzie sighed. As his best friend, she knew all of his secrets. Including his deepest, darkest one. She didn’t approve. Not in the least, but she was always there for him regardless.

“Do you ever think about him?”, he asked.  
“Of course I do.”  
“They never found his body, you know.”

“Jared!”, she reprimanded harshly. “Enough. The river took Jensen. He’s with the Lord now. It’s been almost two years now." After seeing the forlorn look on Jared's face, she took a deep breath and gathered herself. She wasn't trying to hurt Jared, she just wanted him to face the truth. "I miss him too. He was my brother. But, it's time you let go. You have to keep living Jarediah. He would want that for you.”, she said gently.

She’d done a better job at coping with Jensen’s death than he had. Everyone seemed to do better. And Jared.... he could never forget.

_Jared happily walked down to the river’s edge. His entire day was free. Josiah lost a wager to him about when their cow, Bess, would give birth to her calf even though gambling of any kind was against the rules. Josiah should have known better than to bet against Jared. He had a sixth sense about those kinds of things, able to predict that Bess would go into labor a full two weeks early. Josiah begrudgingly agreed to take over his chores for the day as payment. Jared thought he could spend the day with Jensen fishing. Jensen and his family were woodworkers and had a more relaxed schedule than he did._

_He stopped a few meters out when he saw a large group of people as well as the council of elders gathered by the water. There were two English police officers there. Something bad must have happened. He cautiously approached when he spotted his father down there among the crowd._

_“What’s going on?”, he asked quietly walking up beside him. John looked at his son strangely; eyes flittering over to the side. Jared followed his gaze and landed on Jensen’s mother crying and being comforted by his father. His heart stopped._

_“Da?”, he asked desperately, breaths fading in and out as he tried to combat the pounding in his chest.  
“It’s the Ackles boy. He’s drowned.”_

_Jared thought he would never breathe again._

“Rebekah Anne is a good girl. She will make you happy. Give you lots of babies. It’s how the Lord meant it to be.”

Jared kept quiet, but he couldn’t help but disagree. How could it be the Lord’s plan to leave him in so much pain and unhappiness? Put music in his heart that he couldn’t sing. To take away the only person that made living worthwhile?

“What if I can’t do it Kenzie?”  
She gave him a sympathetic smile. “You have to.”

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

Jared opened the door to find Irma; greeting her with a large hug. She oomphed in surprise, indulging the boy. She’d always had a soft spot for him. She pulled back to look at him. “Jarediah Whittmer. You get taller and more handsome every time I see you.” He smiled at her.

“Are you here to see mam?”  
“Yes. If you could go get her for me please.”

Mary came into the living room wiping her hands on her apron. She had been out hanging the laundry. She stopped when she saw the grave look on Irma’s face.  
“Irma? What’s happened? Is it...is it John? Josiah?”

“No. no. It’s nothing like that.”, she assured. “But it is important. Can we sit?”

Mary led Irma over to a chair sitting beside her. She looked at Irma imploringly. “I visited Abram’s store today. There was an English woman there. Looking for you.”, she said pointedly.

Mary look startled. “Me? Why would an English woman be looking for me?”  
“She said her name was Sherri Padalecki.”, Irma said slowly trying to gauge her friend’s reaction. She wasn’t surprised to see Mary go pale and stand up; hand over her chest. “Wha-what did she say?”  
“She said that she would be staying at the Reddington Inn for two weeks. I didn’t tell anyone what I heard. I figured I best leave this to you and John to handle.”

Mary nodded silently. “Thank you Irma. For telling me and for keeping this quiet.”  
Irma reached over and took her hand sympathetically. She didn’t know all of the details, but she could guess who the woman was. “The Lord works in mysterious ways. Don't fret over this now. It will work itself out.”

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

John was assaulted by calls of “Gran-da!” as soon as he stepped foot through the door. He removed his coat quickly before being tackled by several small bodies. Josiah and Hannah had brought the kids over for Sunday dinner. He played with them for a while, wrestling and tickling while Josiah and Jared sat in the corner discussing something quietly. Miri and Hannah were preparing dinner, but there was no sign of his wife. He excused himself and climbed the stairs.

Mary was sitting on the bed clutching a blue cloth and staring blankly at the wall. John closed the door behind him and stood in front of her. When she looked up, he could see her eyes were bloodshot from crying.

“She’s here John. She broke her promise.”

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

_Jensen chased Jared across the field and tackled him from behind. They rolled over laughing until Jensen was laying on top of him. He stayed there long enough for a strange awkwardness to grow between them._

_“You can get off me now.”, Jared found himself saying, though he found the weight of Jensen comforting. If the roles were reversed, Jared would have dwarfed Jensen. Jensen wasn’t exactly short, but he only came to Jared’s shoulder. Somehow, he still managed to make Jared feel small._

_“Yeah, I could.”, Jensen replied, his voice strangely gruff. They stared at each other, neither one attempting to move. Jared could see the same internal battle he was struggling with reflected in Jensen’s eyes. Intense yet fragile. Laid bare._

_Jensen lifted Jared's left leg and gently wrapped it around his waist. he searched Jared's eyes for any sign of resistance, but found none. He began frantically rutting against Jared while pressing hungry kisses to his neck and all Jared could do was cry out his pleasure as he gripped onto Jensen’s shoulders and lost himself inside his trousers._

_As they fixed their clothes, the severity of what they'd done hit Jared like a ton of bricks. He had sinned. He could not be in love with another man. If his father found out. If_ anyone _found out, the world would be over._

_Jared’s throat constricted painfully and minute amounts of air barely found their way into his lungs._

_“I’ve got you Jay. Just calm down.” He felt strong arms wrap around him and he tried to fight his way out of the hold. Jensen held on and just rocked him whispering nonsensical soothing words into Jared's ear until he relaxed back in his arms too tired to fight anymore. Jensen kissed the top of Jared's head. "It's alright."_

_“It's not. This is wrong. What if we were caught?”_

_Jensen's face twisted into an ugly scowl.“ We're not wrong Jay. _They're_ wrong. What we feel...it's special. There's nothing we should be ashamed about. Nothing.”_

_And Jared believed him because Jensen was the only thing anchoring him to the ground._

Jared frantically shoveled dirt from the hole; Kenzie’s words fresh in his mind. _It's time to let go_. The sun glared intensely against his back. When the hole was deep enough he threw the case into it, jamming the shovel into the pile of dirt and throwing some on top. He stopped for a moment unable to continue and let the shovel clatter noisily to the ground.

Jared closed his eyes tightly as tears leaked out of them. “Why Jen? Why did you leave me?’, he whispered to the wind.

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

Mary and John knocked on the hotel room door. Sherri welcomed them in enthusiastically. “It’s been so long. Sit down please.”  
“Thank you, but we can’t stay.”, Mary said.  
“That’s alright. I never thought you would get my message. When the concierge called, I couldn’t believe it.”

“What is it that you want from us?” Mary asked warily.  
Sherri sighed. “I wanted...I wanted to ask about Jared.”  
“Jarediah.” John corrected.

Sherri smiled tightly. “Of course, Jarediah.”, she relented. “I know this is a lot to ask, but could I maybe see him? Just for a few minutes. He’s seventeen now and I have my daughter Mackenzie here with me. She’d love to meet her big brother.” Sherri's mind flew to Jeff who had just graduated. She'd always imagined that she would have two graduations to prepare for in one year if they'd still had Jared with them. She would give anything for the worry and stress of getting one son off to college and the other out into the real world.

“No.”, John said abruptly.  
“No?” Sherri repeated. She’d expected a lot of different responses, even that one, but hearing it stated so bluntly and cold left her reeling.  
John's face was stern. “Jared is our son. We had an agreement. You weren’t to ever come looking for him.”  
“I know and I understand but...”  
“We never told him about you. He doesn't know that he's adopted.”, Mary explained.

Sherri looked back and forth between them. “I had no idea. I’m so sorry. I just wanted to see him. Just one time.” Mary stepped forward and took Sherri’s hands in hers. She knew what it felt like to never be able to see your own child again.

“We thank you Sherri. For everything. For giving us Jarediah and letting us raise him. He’s settled into our way of life and he doesn’t know any differently. He’ll be getting married in a few days and starting a family of his own.”

Sherri gaped in disbelief.  
“Now you see why we can’t allow you to see him. If you care about him Sherri, do what's best for him. And not what's best for you.”

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

_Sherri Padalecki rubbed her still inflated stomach through the hospital gown as she stared through the glass at the beautiful little boy sleeping peacefully in the bed labeled ‘Baby Boy Padalecki’. She had gone into labor, leaving her three year old Jeff with her husband as they had no one to watch him. Gerald, or Gerry promised to come back later to see them._

_Sherri wondered how they would make it with a new baby. They barely had enough as it was to cover the rent and buy groceries. Gerald was looking for a better job, but so far nothing had come his way. Babies were expensive and she feared they might end up on the street. She was shaken from her thoughts by a choking sob next to her. A woman, not much older than herself, with a long, french braid hanging down her back was crying down further by the window. Sherri felt horrible. She’d heard the nurses whispering about a baby that was born and had passed away earlier that day. She figured that this was that baby’s mother. She watched as the woman was coerced into a wheelchair by a bearded man in a hat and pushed away. When she looked back at her little Jared, she knew what she had to do._

_They argued about it for hours before agreeing that it was best for the baby. Gerald was never one to deny his wife anything, but he hated it. He felt like less of a man unable to take care of his family. He point blank refused to be there when she met the couple in the parking lot of the hospital. She wanted to feel abandoned, but she understood how he felt. The world felt like it was slipping from underneath her as she handed Jared over, wrapped in the blue blanket she’d saved up all the spare money they had to buy. His initials were sewed lovingly in the corner, ‘JTP’. Sherri reached out in vain towards them as they climbed into their carriage taking a piece of her heart with them._

_She clutched a sleeping Jeff tightly to her chest like she was afraid he would disappear as they drove back to their tiny apartment. Years later she would be amazed by the strength she displayed that day._

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

“Oh Jarediah. There you are. Have you started moving your things to make room for Rebekah Anne?”, Mary asked. After the wedding, the couple would be moving in with them until they built a place of their own.

“Yes ma’am. I moved my trunks to the attic. Whose blanket is this?”, he asked holding up a blue blanket that he found during his cleaning. John and Mary looked at each other. “It says J.T.P. in the corner.”

John tried to usher Jared out of the door. “It’s nothing Jarediah. Come help me in the fields my boy.”

Jared stood his ground. "No. What are you hiding?"

“Let him go John. It’s time.”, Mary said tiredly. She didn't have the energy to fight anymore. Seeing Sherri took something out of her. After all these years, the day of reckoning had finally come. Jared look back and forth between his parents in confusion.

“Sit down Jarediah. There’s things we need to tell you.”

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

“You’re not my parents? I’m not your son?”, Jared asked in shock.  
“We are your parents. We have been since that day at the hospital. Nothing has changed.”  
“Everything has changed. I’m not Amish. My name is Jared Padalecki. I’m English!”, he yelled. John grabbed him by the shoulders.

“Keep your voice down. You are Amish.”, his father said forcefully, looking him in the eye. “You were raised here. It’s in you.”  
Jared shook his head sadly. “That's just it da.", he whispered. "It’s not in me. It never has been.”, Jared argued.

Suddenly, everything made sense. He wasn't made for this life. For this world. 

They heard the front door opening and Miri and Josiah talking. “Do they know?”  
“No. No one knows. And it will stay that way.”

“She came back for me. I deserve to know who I really am. Tell me where they are!”, Jared demanded, standing from his seat angrily.  
John forcefully grabbed Jared by the shoulders. “Trust me son. Some graves are better left undug. You’re getting married tomorrow. Now is not the time.”

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

_It was getting dark and they knew they would have to head home soon before someone came to find them. The first stars were just appearing, scattered across the sky._

_“Do you ever think about leaving here?”, Jensen asked wistfully with a faraway look on his face._  
_“To go where?”_  
_“Anywhere.”, Jensen said.“There’s a whole world out there Jared. I've seen it. It's amazing. It's like nothing you could even imagine. Everybody is so free.”_  
_“You snuck out?”, he asked in shock. “Jen, you could have been caught. You could have been shunned or exiled or worse.”_  
_“It was worth it.”, Jensen said softly._

 _“I don’t know. I wouldn’t want to leave my family.”, Jared said._  
_Jensen nodded. He seemed sad in a way. Resigned._

_“If anything ever happens to me. Promise me you’ll keep on singing. That you won’t let them take it away from you.”. Jensen told him.  
_

_Jared sat up and looked at his lover.“What? What are you talking about? Why are you acting so strange tonight?”_  
_“Just promise me.”, Jensen insisted._  
_“Fine. I promise.”. Jared relented; seeing the sheer desperation on Jensen's face._

_Jensen reached beside to him and handed his guitar to Jared. “I want you have this.”_

_“I…I can’t Jen. This is yours.”, Jared stuttered._  
_“You can. I’m giving it to you.”, he said sincerely._

_Jared ran his fingers across the leather case like it was a precious jewel. They sat in silence for a moment.  
_

_“I love you Jay and I'll always be with you. I'll always find you, no matter what. Remember that.”_

_Jared tried to shake the eerie feeling he got from Jensen’s words. “I love you too Jensen.”_

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

“Where is it?!”, John yelled throwing around bales of hay.  
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you. Or mam either.”

John whipped around. “You’ve shamed our family! And yourself. Do you think the bishop is going to take this lightly? You disgraced his daughter. You’ll be shunned for this.”, he hissed. Shunning was the worst form of punishment in their community. No other member of the church would be allowed to speak to him. Not even his own family. It could continue for years and years. Some people had died still shunned; never having a relationship with their loved ones again. Jared looked on helplessly as his father pulled the guitar from it’s hiding place.

“Da, please don’t.”, he pleaded, attempting to snatch it away from his father.

“We’ve spoiled you boy. Let you get soft. This ends tonight. You are a man and it’s time you act like it. Tomorrow, we are going to the bishop’s and beg Rebekah’s forgiveness for your foolishness. I won’t allow you to ruin your life.”

Jared shook his head, tears falling down his face. He couldn’t do this. He wouldn’t be able to force himself to repent even if he tried. Because he didn’t regret walking out on the wedding. He didn’t regret loving Jensen and holding him in his heart. Jensen was a part of him.

“I’ve listened to you and mam my entire life. Respected you. Trusted you, but not anymore. I won't do it. I'm not marrying Rebekah Anne.” 

John was visibly angered by Jared’s refusal. “You’ve been poisoned. We thought we could save you from your perversion, but we can’t. I should have done this the day that damned boy drowned.”, he yelled lifting the guitar and smashing it against the barn wall repeatedly. The realization that his family had known about him and Jensen all along was like a slap in the face. Jared choked as he watched Jensen’s guitar being broken into a hundred little pieces. Each break felt like a piece of his heart was shattering.

“No, no!”, he cried hoarsely gathering the mangled instrument in his arms; sobbing brokenly over losing the only piece of Jensen he had left.

John watched him for a moment. Without a word, he signaled Josiah and they both stalked from the barn.

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

Mary watched her husband as he looked forlornly out the window of their bedroom with his hands folded behind his back.

“We’ve lost him Mary. He’s drifted away from the church. From the people. From us.”  
“What can we do?”, she asked.   
“There’s nothing. It’s in the hands of the bishop now.”

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

Jared had been shunned for five weeks. Five weeks of silence. Five weeks of loneliness. His family ducked their heads around him and no matter how hard he worked, they wouldn’t even hold eye contact with him. He ate at a small table facing the wall and it didn’t take long before most of his meals were being delivered outside of his door. Probably to cut down on the tension in the small house.

It killed him when his nephews who were too small to understand would run to him, grabbing his legs only to be scolded and ripped away. Or how his da could hardly stand to be in the same room with him and his mam cried constantly. He was starting to lose faith. He had no one.

Each Sunday he was tempted to run to the church and do a kneeling confession in front of the entire congregation just for some sort of human contact. To say that he repents for his sins and he would return to the God fearing member of the people that he had previously been. The problem was that Jared didn’t even know who he was or who he had been. Everything had always been a lie from his name to his secret love for Jensen. There was only one thing left to do.

Jared packed up his things shoving them into the brown satchel. He had saved as many pieces of Jensen's guitar as he could and put them back into Jensen's leather case. Although broken and useless, he would keep it with him for the rest of his days. He waited until an hour or so after his parent’s door closed to sneak out. He made it to the roadside with the case and his bag when he noticed someone standing there.

Miri.

She silently hugged him tightly and slipped something in his back pocket before running back towards the house. She waved at him from the doorway.

Jared smiled to himself and began the long walk to the city. After several hours of walking, he collapsed in exhaustion on a sidewalk bench. The sun was up and a few cars were already on the road, driving past him, presumably on their way to work. Jared had only been to town once before and hadn’t been allowed to leave the buggy, but he knew that soon the sidewalks would be full of people and there would be too many cars to count.

He pulled Miri’s gift out of his pocket and was surprised to see some money wrapped up in a cloth along with a note that read “Mam gave this to me for you. I’ll miss you. Good luck.” and a phone number.

Sherri Padalecki: 318-976-9007

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

Jared stood backstage waiting for his name to be announced. It was overwhelming sometimes, the ways in which his life had changed. He was no longer Jarediah Whittmer, a nice Amish boy. He was Jared Padalecki, lost son of Gerald and Sherri. Brother of Megan and Jeff.

It was a constant struggle warring between the way he was raised and learning how to navigate through an entirely new world. A world where not everyone was kind and a shunning was no where near the worst thing that could happen to you. It was exciting and terrifying at the same time. And when he was woken up in his new room by an alarm clock instead of a rooster, he felt like he’d fallen into the Twilight zone. Which was his new favorite show to watch with Gerry. In fact, television was his new favorite thing period. Besides music.

His new family was wonderful and loving. They’d welcomed him with open arms and helped him get enrolled in a local community college. They even found someone to fix Jensen's guitar. Some of the pieces were new, but it comforted him to be able to play it during his free time and feel close to Jensen. It was like he'd been there all along. They didn’t judge him when he admitted that he was gay and immediately introduced him to a family friend’s son Misha, who was also gay. The two grew close quickly. Misha was extremely odd and Jared was ex-Amish so they just fit together. As friends, nothing more. Jared was still learning to love himself.

He slid onto the stool, adjusting the microphone so that it was level with his face. “I um”, he nervously began. “This is a song I wrote for someone very special to me. I miss you Jen. Every minute of every day.” There were a few ‘awwws’ chorusing throughout the room. Jared started to play as the lights dimmed. It was like coming home.

“I lit a fire with the love you left behind. And it burned wild, it crept up the mountain side. I followed your ashes into outer space. I can’t look out the window. I can’t look at this place. I can’t look at the stars. They make me wonder where you are. Stars...up on heaven’s boulevard. And if I know you at all. I know you’ve gone too far....so I. I can’t look at the stars.”

“All those times we looked up at the sky. Looking out so far, we felt like we could fly. And now I’m all alone in the dark of night. The moon is shining, but I can’t see the light. I can’t look at the stars. They make me wonder where you are. Stars....up on heaven’s boulevard. And if I know you at all. I know you’ve gone too far....So I. I can’t look at the stars... Stars. Stars, they make me wonder where you are. And if I know you at all. I know you’ve gone too far...”, he finished.

Cheers erupted and Jared smiled out onto the crowd, dimples on full display. He felt free.

**Author's Note:**

> Song List: 
> 
> “I’ll Be”: Edwin McCain  
> “Stars”: Grace Potter
> 
> All kudos and comments are appreciated.
> 
> * I toyed with the idea of Jensen not really being dead because I feel like story kinda alluded to it. I think I might want to add another chapter as an alternate ending or something. Please tell me what you think about that. Or is it fine the way it is? *


End file.
